Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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