the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
