Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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