NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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