p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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