A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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