Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
