I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
