She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
