I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
