the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
