i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You ate ashes out of my bong
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
