Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
