So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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