I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
