im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
