He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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