You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
