And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
