my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
