Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
