Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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