He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
