I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
