The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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