Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
