look no pants
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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