what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
