Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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