I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
