and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
