I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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