he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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