It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
