I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
