He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
