insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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