I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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