actually, I'm a sock model
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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