I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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