I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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