I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
