I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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