His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
