Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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