it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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