my mouth tastes like poor choices
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
