Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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