Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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