somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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